I was originally going to do a episode with mark but Im gonna save that for another week.

 

But for this week I feel really called to talk about body image, comparison, body dysmorphia and all things under that umbrella.

 

Which if I'm being totally honest, I'm feeling a little nervous about.

 

As I am aware that some people feel that just because someone in their eyes is "skinny" they have no right to talk about things like body image issues.

 

But I really want to help people break away from that way of thinking.

 

Because people can hate their body at ANY size.

 

As I myself have actually experienced body image issues, got stuck in cycles of comparison and self hate, plus I’ve also been on the receiving end of being shamed by others for the way I looked physically.

 

Skinny shaming is NOT okay, just as fat shaming in NOT okay. Discriminating, belittling, shaming or saying anything about someone else’s body with a negativity connotation is NOT okay.

 

Because you have absolutely NO idea as to how another individual perceives themselves or is going through at any moment.

 

Back when I was putting all of my focus on the way I looked physically, dieting and working out - all so I could look a certain way, was when I was the most insecure in my body.

 

I compared myself to others constantly, yet I was nearly 8 kg lighter than what I currently am.

 

 

Though now I realise just how much of an illusion I was under.

 

Your eyes can play tricks on you, but also it wasn't helping that the first thing id do in the morning was jump on social media and look through my feed which was FILLED with fitness model accounts posting photos of themselves on stage or throughout their comp prep.

 

And because I was consuming so much of that sort of media, it started to shape my thinking.

 

I started to believe that was what women are meant to look like, and I would compare my body to the bodies of women who were on stage at a fitness show.

 

What I didn't realise at the time was just how much of a freaking illusion their images were.

 

I only saw their best angles and the chosen perfect shot.

 

Just like a magician, they only let you see what they wanted you to see.

 

I didn’t see the often miserable behind the scenes of them restricting their social life, all the hours in the gym, how much they were starving their bodies, none of it.

 

All I knew was that I wanted to look like them because their bodies “win medals” so i though that’s what I should strive to look like.

 

So I decided I wanted to enter a bikini comp.

 

I researched to find the best bikini comp trainer in Melbourne and made an appointment.

 

I sat down at the gym in richmond with one of the assistant trainers and I told him what comp I wanted to enter.

 

He then brings me into the office to ask the head trainer if he thinks I could get ready in time.

 

The first and only thing he said to me was lift up your shirt.

 

So I did...

 

And he said yep we can help you prep.

 

I paid my $2500 prep training fee, got given a diet and drove home.

 

I felt so yuck the whole way home, something just didn't feel right about the whole thing to me.

 

I sat on it for a couple of days and ended up pulling the pin.

 

BUT I followed the diet and trained even harder than I did before.

 

I weighed and calculated everything I ate.

I skipped out on lunches and going to the beach and instead ate chicken breast and beans and slogged away at the gym all summer.

 

All for what? To look good on instagram...

 

I continued down this path for months, trying to make myself leaner and leaner.

 

But it was never enough.

 

I couldn't even see my body for what it was anymore.

 

What I saw reflecting back in the mirror was a complete distortion.

 

The only thing that woke me up from the illusion I was in, was when my little sister standing across from me was grabbing into the literally ZERO fat she had left on her body (as she was on the same journey as me)

 

And it was at that moment that I realised there was a massive problem. I couldn’t see it in myself though I saw in in her.

 

Ellie and I were diet and training buddies, we literally did everything together and I would do absolutely ANYTHING for her.

 

And when I realised that what we were doing was harming her mind and sense of self worth, it fucking destroyed me.

 

So I did my best to snap myself out of it, for Ellie.

 

I guess what I want to express through this story is that being thinner, fitter, skinny or whatever doesn't equal happiness.

 

We were both anxious, starving, irritable and insecure through this entire process.

 

After I had the realisation that I had a problem, I stopped taking ab selfies and I stoped flaunting my body all over Instagram. Because I couldn’t bare the thought of anyone comparing their body to mine.

 

I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.

 

and I know I can never stop anyone one from comparing themselves to me in some way.

 

Because If it wasn’t my body it could be my hair, skin, smile, energy etc.

 

When someone has a comparison mindset they will ALWAYS find something, and I know this because it’s what I did.

 

If I wasn’t comparing my body to someone else’s I’d compare my:

Boobs

Lips

Skin

Teeth

Tan

Hair

Clothes

Relationship

Etc

 

There was always something.

 

For example there was a long time when all I wanted was a boob job, and my partner at the time even said he would pay for it.

 

All I can say now is that I’m SO GLAD that I didn’t go through with it.

 

As having silicon bags over my heart space, putting a barrier between me and another and leaching chemicals into my body would have been a nightmare down the road.

 

I didn’t know all of the side effects when I wanted them, all I knew was that I wanted them, and that’s all that mattered at the time.

 

But in hindsight what I really wanted was to be accepted, to be enough, to be loveable...

 

It’s only now that I realise that nothing from outside of me could truly give me any of that, its something that I had to cultivate from within.

 

And just to just complete this conversation around comparison I think it’s so important to realise just How uniquely different everybody is.

 

Even if you follow the exact same diet and fitness program as someone you look up to, you still wont look like them.

 

It just doesn't work like that.

 

They might be taller or shorter

Have wider set hips or shoulders.

Also have different genetic inheritance which  will influence your bone structure, body size, shape, and potentially how you distribute body fat.

 

But also your sleep quality, stress and hormones will influence how your body looks.

 

So there is no FAIR or accurate comparison you could ever make.

 

You are YOU.

 

Just like you couldn’t fairly compare your teenage self to your adult self in a negative way. Because they were different seasons of your life.

 

I am a COMPLETELY different person than the girl I was at 17.

 

To compare my body, actions, mindset, choices etc to what I was like then would just be unfair...

 

There's a saying that I love that goes "Comparison is the thief of joy" and I couldn't agree more.

 

And this goes beyond body...

Comparing relationships, business success or your life in general is only going to leave you feeling crappy.

 

though I wanna say coming from a place of inspiration is different to comparison.

 

Being inspired by someone else or your past self is a beautiful thing.

 

Though When you notice yourself falling into a place of comparison, because that can and probably will happen gently remind yourself to come back into your own lane.

 

And remember that any positive role model you look up to would never want you to self shame yourself or compare yourself to them in a negative way.

 

Now it take work to pull yourself out of the comparison cycle, you will likely have up and down days.

 

But It's like being in relationship. It's not always going to be perfect, you have to work at it.

 

And in this case it's a practice of working with yourself and the relationship you have with yourself.

 

And while I'm on the topic of comparison

I also want to help you understand that your body will change with your cycle and can look and feel different during each phase of your menstural cycle.

 

So to compare your body and how you feel from your bleeding to your ovulation phase is unfair to yourself.

 

My body often feels juicier and fuller during my bleeding phase of the lead up to it, and I also feel my energy go more inward.

 

Whereas during my ovulation phase I usually feel energetic and light in my body.

 

This is completely natural and normal to feel and experience these changes.

 

I actually created a free eguide on how to work with your cycle, so if you wanna download that I'll link to it in the show notes.

 

If you are however finding that you are constantly bloated or feeling weighed down from digestive issues that’s a little different...

 

If you are struggling with digestive issues and it’s inhibiting your ability to feel good in your body, I have a free Happy belly guide that you could also check out (which I’ll link in the show notes) plus I have a signature Digestion Reset Program which is a step by step guide on how to reset your digestion, so you can overcome bloating and feel lighter in your body.

 

If your interested in that DM me on Instagram or you can join the waitlist for the next enrolment. I’ll also put a link in the show notes for that also.

 

Okay now I also think its super important for me to mention how your womb takes up space in your lower abdomen.

 

For soooo long I wanted to chop off, starve and train away that little lumb at the bottom of my belly.

 

You know that area so many women point at and grab onto.

 

That is your womb space.

You have reproductive organs that live in there, that take up space and that need extra body fat for protection, for the sake of the future generations.

 

I used to drive myself crazy about this little lump or the extra fat I held around my hips and lower belly until I realised WHY I had it.

 

Now instead of sucking in, flexing, tensing, squishing and contouring my stomach I let it be. I let my womb take up space...

 

So next time you find yourself getting frustrated with this area of your body, remember how sacred this space is.

 

Hold it and send it some love.

 

 

 

Now I think that's a perfect segway to talk about approaching weight loss or body transformation from a pace of love vs hate.

 

Because I see WAY too many women and men hating themselves thinner or fitter through, deprivation, restriction and self-loathing.

 

And I know through experience that when you take this approach your still going to hate yourself when you get to your “goal weight” or “goal body” cause you're still the same on the INSIDE.

 

So you're still likely going to have a habit of hating on yourself and not feel like your good enough no matter what your body looks like.

 

This is WHY you have to change your relationship with yourself FIRST, then a healthy body will be a byproduct.

 

Once you shift from:

Dieting to asking how can i nourish my body.

Or

Working out for a result to moving your body in a way that brings you joy.

 

Everything changes.

 

Plus once I SHIFTED my focus away from the way I looked physically over to being of service to others and the earth, I finally found freedom within myself.

 

For me having JOY, PURPOSE, CONNECTION, ENERGY, LOVE & PASSION in my life, is soooo much more life-giving than having shredded abs or a tiny waist in my opinion.

 

So I want to ask you this - What do you think would happen if you put more ENERGY into sacred self-care and unconditional love for yourself, instead of tearing yourself apart on the daily?

 

 

So I’m going to leave it there, Thank you so much for listening. I’m so grateful for everyone’s love and feedback from each episode. If you got something out of this one please share it and let me know by either DMing me or writing a review.

 

It’s honestly fills me with so much joy reading your love notes. 🧡

 

Okay I’ll speak to you next week.

 

Much love